Please stop with the expectations and assumptions

Why is it that grieving parents are expected to maintain ‘social norms’? Or ‘pre death of child’ life?

Why do grieving parents have to try and defend their experience and their decisions from others’ assumptions?

The assumption that these grieving parents are desperate to have another child or the comments from a persistent person whom assumes you’re in desperate need of another child, “don’t worry it’s going to happen” or “you’ll have another one when the time is right”! Like seriously, these assumptions and expectations that another child MUST follow after the death of a child need to STOP.

Some parents may want another child right away, others in the future, and some not at all. These are all perfectly fine options. It’s completely up to the grieving parents. Perhaps ask the parents what their thoughts are, use the question “how do you feel about having more children, have you both discussed that yet”? And once you have heard their answer, LEAVE IT AT THAT. You don’t need to continue implying or asking if they are pregnant on a regular basis or try to convince them to have another one. The impact this can have on grieving parents can sit within their bones. A comment may stay with them, may trigger them or may just make them feel pressured by expectations and assumptions.

You need to start thinking about going back to work, or why haven’t you done this or why haven’t you done that. The expectations of others not lived to see their child die are inappropriate.

And the returning to ‘normal’ once a child has died? I can’t express this enough, there is no more normal. Everything about life up until the second that child dies, dies with the child. The talk about the greiving parents weight gain, or they don’t do this any more or they aren’t the same people. That’s exactly right, grieving parents are never going to be the same people they once were. That’s not saying they won’t be those things again, it’s just that they have experienced the greatest loss this world has to offer and they live with this loss every day. Trying to move forward, trying to do the impossible; learning to live when their child was denied that right.

To those precious people out there who hold no expectations or assumptions, you are so very wonderful and grieving parents thank you from the bottom of our hearts.